


Heart Strung

by Shinigamibutter



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age changes, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Attempted plot twist, Cliche, Crossdressing, I'm lying I don't know how to cliche, Love Triangles, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance, roughly Victorian era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-07 22:17:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14090880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigamibutter/pseuds/Shinigamibutter
Summary: Kihyun hadn't realized his first assignment in his criminal career was going to get him this deep into hot water. He knew it was possible of course, after all it was murder for hire. However he hadn't expected it to land him in the love triangle of the century. Or with his own life on the line for a reason other than committing murder.





	1. The Ball

**Author's Note:**

  * For [songcry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/songcry/gifts).



> My prompt was Minhyuk is crowned ruler. Kihyun is hired to kill him. They meet in the garden at a masquerade ball at the palace. Kihyun can't go through with it. 
> 
> I did that and so much more. It's a bit of a wild ride. I hope you like it.

Kihyun shifted uncomfortably in the carriage he found himself alone in. His thoughts though were occupied. Occupied with thoughts of the prearranged single murder becoming a quadruple murder instead. The first murder of course being the one he'd been tasked by his older brothers, his next three victims of choice. Well he wasn't likely to go through with the last three he decided with a sigh. He shifted again as he attempted once more to get comfortable, with both the idea of murder and the lengths he'd been forced to go to even attempt it. 

The lengths being the hired carriage, the driver, and the floor length dress that allowed him to look his part. His part being that of a wealthy, new to the capital, and quite foreign duchess. The ruse might not have been so far fetched, he was willing to admit, if he were in fact a woman. Which he wasn't, and that was only one flaw in the plan his brothers had cooked up. There were several but they were essentially flying by the seat of their pants at this point. 

It had all started when the youngest prince Mingyu had approached his brothers with a job they’d been unable to walk away from. The job being the murder of the eldest and crown prince Minwoo and the middle prince Minhyuk. His brothers had completed half of the job at least. They’d taken prince Minwoo out hunting and played it off as a hunting accident. They’d gotten away with it too. Which they’d reasoned should have been plenty toward their end of the deal to begin with. What with the crown prince gone Mingyu was closer in line to the throne, which had been his goal all along. 

It hadn’t been enough. And since they had been paid in advance, using the funds for their current modest abode, there was no option but to finish the job. The only problem was that his elder brothers were now all known by the court. Which is where he came in. He’d rarely left the house except to go to the market, even before they’d moved. He'd also never partook in his elder brother’s jobs. Instead he was constantly cleaning up after them at home and keeping their finances straight. Something they whined at him about constantly, saying he shouldn’t nag them if they were making the money. 

He knew though they were actually protecting him. Protecting him from the horrors of the job they’d inherited from their father and the rest of the world. He was the youngest and had only known their father for the last few years of his life. The age gap causing his eldest brother to raise him and take over the role of their father to earn money. The other two joining in once they realized it was easier to work as a team. A team they didn’t want him to be part of for the most part. They’d allowed him to work on a few jobs from home, forcing him to learn to sew and be helpful from there. 

Then this had happened. He could recall the looks on their faces once they realized he was their only option. The look had been half terrified for him and half terrified for them. They had murdered a prince, if they were caught up in the murder of prince Minhyuk as well it would mean their deaths. Treason, whether only suspected or not was a very serious crime. It was a thought he tried not to think about securing his mask into place. The carriage was pulling up to the castle now and he needed to focus on his part rather than what had lead him to it. It wasn’t going to hurt him any to be dressed as a woman at an event he’d never attend normally. Especially if it meant that he could return safely from it. 

Steeling himself for the event ahead he remembered what the prince he was after looked like. Though he was certain he’d be able to tell from the gaggles of giggling women that would follow him around. And of course the inherited white hair of a descendant of the crown.

The whiter the hair the purer the soul. That was the saying anyway, Kihyun wasn’t buying it. After all he’d heard of the things that prince Minwoo was guilty of before his death. From rape to mutilation the eldest prince got his kicks in some very twisted ways. His hair had been whiter than the king’s at that age, or so Wonho had told him on multiple occasions. Shownu, the eldest had assured him that hair color and purity were relative. While Jooheon, for his part, was convinced it had to be a lie cooked up by the kingdom. Kihyun figured he’d find out soon enough on his own. After all there were two princes out of three so far that opted for the darker side of of the law. Or really just being above it.

Settling his dress around him a little more he prepared himself to disembark. He could already hear plenty of chatter outside, other guests arriving. His own invitation was signed by prince Mingyu, who he secretly hoped he didn’t actually meet. He hesitated asking the driver if his hair had held up through the ride, the long locks elaborately piled on his head. He could already feel a few loose strands framing his face that made him nervous. He’d never ventured a look so bold, his long hair more out of a fondness than for fashion. It felt unnatural but from the small smile the driver gave him, who obviously wasn’t in the know, he looked womanly enough. Well with the masquerade mask, choker, and dress. 

For a party that prince Mingyu had planned on short notice Kihyun had to commend his tastes. The walk up the castle stairs and to the ballroom had been a short one filled with music, wine, and a feeling of lightness. A feeling the kingdom had become bereft of after the loss of prince Minwoo. They were just now re-gaining it after the crowning of prince Minhyuk as the crown prince. The masquerade ball was supposedly in his honor, that’s what prince Mingyu told the kingdom anyway. It wasn’t what he’d told his brothers when he’d invited them as guests to finish the job. Giving them leave to invite who they pleased to accompany them. 

Kihyun for his part was just grateful he wasn’t here as one of his brother’s plus one. Even though it did mean having to dance with the men that asked. The current taker taller than him by at least a head, his accent smoother than his dancing. Though Kihyun did his best to play his part, making his voice higher and giggling at the right moments. 

It felt almost like second nature after the amount of practicing his brothers had forced him through. Which allowed his mind to wander over their overprotective tendencies as he floated with the music. Much more graceful than the handful of partners he’d had in the last few dances. 

The ball wasn’t quite in full swing he noted as he’d yet to see even a glimpse of white hair. Neither the princes nor the king. Though he supposed they could be trying to blend in, trying to enjoy themselves in the concept of hiding in plain sight. Kihyun did his best not to think about that too much as he excused himself from the man who’d asked to dance to the next song as well. Using the excuse that his corset needed adjusting. It did, just more in the coming off entirely way. 

An hour or so and some ten or so dances had passed before Kihyun laid eyes on anyone with white hair. He’d already lost track of time and his dance partners by then. The first one he’d spotted with white hair was the king, taking his throne at the front of the ball. No mask required and none needed as he wasn’t here to enjoy himself. One glance told anyone with any sense that he wasn’t over his son’s passing, the queen looked equally desoulte. Their clothing correct for a festive occasion but their smiles and joy painted on their faces. Kihyun did his best not to think about how much he’d be affecting them with his actions later. 

The next person with white hair he saw was not the prince, he knew from the way he carried himself. And he was forcefully reminded that many dukes, uncles, and nephews of the royal family also had white hair. Well off white to a dull gray usually. Meaning they were distantly related. It took at least another hour, an innumerable amount of dances, including a dance each with his brothers, before he saw prince Minhyuk. He might have been worried about his disguise by then if it hadn’t been for the numerous dance requests he’d turned down to approach him. And the subtle yet there reassurances from his brothers along the way. 

Two hours now felt like nothing compared to the wait that was finding a chance to speak with the prince. Let alone doing so privately. Not to mention the fact Kihyun was already feeling worn out, the corset having been tightened made it hard to breathe in and his feet ached. He soon found his patience wearing thin so when he got the chance he slipped into the gardens. Maybe if he could find a place where there were no people he might think of a way to get the prince alone. It was an idea that found him accosted, a man grabbing his arm just as he was about to sit on one of the benches far from the party. The music still softly floating on the air.

“Who?” He knew he sounded angry and a lot less ladylike than he should be going for. At the moment he didn’t care, he almost felt murder was justified in order to be off his feet at this point. When he turned to see who had stopped him though he bit his tongue on saying anything else. There was no mistaking prince Minhyuk, his mask discarded somewhere during the night. His two bodyguards trailing behind him. A tall lanky one who looked like he was better with his sword in theory rather than with in an actual altercation. Along with a shorter one with sharp eyes who looked about as combat ready. 

“You’re not to be in the gardens.” Was the prince’s reply, but he smiled softly afterwards as if contradicting himself. Kihyun noted there were no other guests out here and wondered if the prince had followed him for that reason. The prince still had hold of his free arm, the other was by the skirt of his dress he’d been trying to gather up to sit comfortably. 

“I apologize your highness. I just wanted a place to sit quietly without dancing for awhile.” Kihyun felt that the sweetness in his voice was enough. He hoped it was enough anyway as a few tense seconds passed until the prince let go of his arm and nodded at the bench. Kihyun sat down as gracefully as he could with an appreciative sigh. He rolled his ankles under his dress, looking up at the prince questioningly as he scooted over to make room. It was obvious that Minhyuk didn’t want to be at the ball anymore than the king did. He didn’t ask anything though as the prince did take the offered seat. His bodyguards taking up better positions to defend him from both Kihyun and anyone that might come across them. 

“I did too.” The prince quietly admitted a few seconds later, leaning back with his hands on the wide bench. He was studying Kihyun closely and not for the first time Kihyun wondered if he was as transparent as he felt. It most certainly hadn’t been his idea to crossdress in the first place. And the longer he sat here in silence with the prince, the air heavy but not suffocating, the more he felt it was unnecessary. “So what brought you to the masquerade?” The prince’s voice was soft, thoughtful, and genuinely curious.

Kihyun bit back the true answer, the prince’s death. Instead he allowed himself to take on a thoughtful countenance, this obviously hadn’t been a question he’d been prepared for. Who asked why someone attended a party? Well without suspicions anyway. 

“It’s nice to go out and have fun every now and then. Being new to the capital the invitation arrived at just the right time.” He batted his lashes at the prince while assessing what his options were. There were no openings for him to move in. The guards might not look like much but that didn’t mean they weren’t. And he wasn’t planning on dying. “I’m sorry about your brother.” 

The last part had been involuntary. He was truly sorry that prince Minhyuk was suffering, though he’d take care of that shortly given the chance. He wasn’t sorry about the loss of the eldest prince though. From what his brothers told him Minwoo would have been a horrible king, spoiled by his father and raised to have everything he wanted. He had been a horrible person and would have been a tyrant. Kihyun couldn’t find it in himself to say he didn't deserve to die. 

“I’m not.” Prince Minhyuk’s response had Kihyun doing a double take. His eyes that had drifted to the sky landed on black eyes that were looking into his own. He felt a chill down his spine that told him maybe the rumors of the royalty having magic were true. He didn’t ask though, it was invasive and he was probably going to have to earn the prince’s trust to get his job done. 

The prince did go on after a short pause his voice soft, but raw in real emotion. “He was a horrible person, he did unspeakable things because no one was going to stop him.” Kihyun found himself nodding at that, unintentionally agreeing. The prince didn’t seem to mind much. 

Another silence fell and Kihyun wondered if he could really do this. There were several knives hidden under the skirt of his dress and a poison or two on his person. Yet this prince didn’t feel anything like Minwoo had or Mingyu. Minhyuk at least felt like he saw reason, and he truly might, as he grew up watching his elder brother commit crime after crime. 

While Mingyu, the youngest was bathed in the people's indifference and steeped in rumors of his own. As everyone knew that prince Mingyu was the child of a mistress, one that the queen only tolerated due to his white hair. As it served as the symbol of royalty, one that was passed on from the male’s side. Meaning there was no denying the prince’s lineage. Not with his strong resemblance to the king and the queen’s inability to have more children at the time. 

Though there were a few rumors of prince Mingyu’s not so tolerable deeds. They were nowhere near in line with the rumors that spread about Minwoo. More like a troubled youth who may be taking the death of his mother and lack of a crown too personally. He’d never heard many rumors about Minhyuk. Kihyun stopped himself abruptly, he didn’t want to think about it. The royal concerns weren’t what he was here for. He wasn’t here to decide if Minhyuk deserved to live and become king or not. He was here to kill him for the sake of his own brothers living, and the money they’d already taken. 

“I didn’t expect him to die.” Prince Minhyuk’s voice was soft, hurt, and everything Kihyun didn’t want to feel in that moment. Yet he couldn’t find it in himself to interrupt as the prince went on. “I’d been invited on that hunting trip. I had said no instead taking the time to spend with Mingyu who was feeling ill.” Kihyun wanted him to stop, he didn’t want to feel guilty for knowing that Mingyu was faking. He didn't want to feel guilty that Minhyuk would have died as well. While he was certain that Mingyu had his own reasons for wanting the crown he wasn’t in a position to question his motives. His own life, and those of his loved ones were more important to him than the crown.

“You’re lucky then.” Kihyun filled in the silence that followed the prince’s words. He placed his hand on the prince’s knee, the guards reaction telling him everything he needed to know. There would be no way to complete this mission tonight, not here anyway. “You still have your younger brother.” His voice was softer than intended as he reminded him, he knew it was because he knew the truth. Minhyuk didn’t seem to mind though neither his hand nor the tone of voice. 

“You’re right.” Minhyuk agreed with a sorrow filled smile that was gone as soon as it had been. It felt like it was hiding something but his voice was upbeat when he spoke again. “I’ve still got the kingdom too.” To Kihyun that line had sounded more forced than any so far. For the first time he wondered if Minhyuk even wanted the crown, if this was even necessary for Mingyu to take it. Prince Minhyuk smiled at him and Kihyun ignored the tugging in his chest at the hurt that was hidden behind dazzlingly white teeth. The sorrow that lurked in dark eyes.

“I take it you didn’t want the kingdom.” Kihyun would have smacked himself if he weren’t really trying to play up the ‘trust me’ card. He wasn’t sure to what end though. Even if he got Minhyuk to give Mingyu the crown the younger would still probably want the elder dead. After all who wanted a living rival? Yet he persisted. “I understand it’s a burden.” He allowed his voice to trail off and his eyes lingered on the shortest guard who was looking at him intensely. He felt himself blush and he pulled his hand back as if he’d been scolded. 

Minhyuk chuckled at his action glancing at the guard himself with a quirked eyebrow. “You’re right.” He smiled over at Kihyun again and the blush that had blossomed only grew deeper. And in that moment Kihyun felt more girlish than he had all night. “I never expected that I would have to step into this role. I thought Minwoo would take it, or…” Prince Minhyuk’s voice trailed off now. A short pause found Kihyun wondering at a soft sigh that led into Minhyuk’s next admittance. “I thought my father might chose Mingyu over me. I’d been secretly hoping for it. He, after all is concerned about the things I barely understand, as if he’s been using his whole life to take the crown.” 

Kihyun couldn’t disagree with that. It was very true from what his brothers had told him about their employer. He was more concerned with the kingdom than Minwoo had ever been and Minhyuk, while smart wasn’t that interested in power. “It’s said knowing your weaknesses is your greatest asset.” The words had been soft, one of the few things his father had ever taught him. That lesson one of the few precious memories he had of the man that killed for them to survive. 

“You’re wiser than you look.” The statement had been joking, almost flirty and Kihyun felt his blush deepen again. “What’s your name?” The question, while innocent enough, had him panicking if only slightly. He and his brothers really hadn’t thought of one when they’d made this ruse, hadn't thought they'd need one. All of them had thought it would be a quick mission as Minhyuk was known to flirt freely. Kihyun swallowed hard, the choker against his neck bobbing along with his thoughts. He scrambled for a name off the top of his head that sounded duchess enough. 

He didn’t want time to drag on too long as he thought about it. The look in the prince’s eyes bemused as he waited, as if he knew. Kihyun hoped he didn’t. He wasn’t very well known at all. The fact he was a man was something completely different from knowing who he was. He rushed his answer with what he hoped passed for a nervous giggle. One that could be interpreted as he was nervous giving his name to the crown prince. Even if he hadn’t been nervous talking to him. “Duchess Yoo Ki. Just call me Yuki.” He hated his new identity instantly but it was too late to take it back. 

Yet whatever Minhyuk had been about to follow it up with was cut off by another party joining them. It was a young man, his hair whiter than both Minhyuk’s and the king’s, and a tall guard accompanying him. Kihyun knew without standing that his man was at least a head shorter than him. He also knew without asking who it was. So he did stand as was proper and he lowered himself bowing his head, keeping himself lowered. 

“Why are you out in the gardens instead of enjoying the ball I’ve thrown for you?” The voice was deep, deeper than Kihyun had thought it would be. He found himself shifting under the weight of it and what answer Minhyuk might give. Then he suddenly found himself the center of the young man’s attention, wide eyes locked on him in interest as he rose at Minhyuk’s prompting.

“I was just taking a break dear Mingyu.” Minhyuk’s voice was chiding as if the younger prince could never understand adult woes. Kihyun knew that it wasn’t true though, Mingyu was an adult. At least in the laws and eyes of the kingdom even if he’d never be in the eyes of his elder brother. “I found someone lovely to keep me company.” He continued and Kihyun blushed again when the prince’s hand waved in his direction. He certainly hoped the way his heart skipped at the action was more in nervousness than anything else. Though it still colored his cheeks once more 

“Who is your lovely companion?” Mingyu’s voice sounded entirely too interested to Kihyun but he forced a smile. Reminding himself that when he’d looked in the mirror he’d thought he made an attractive woman as well. What with Wonho’s body training, more accurately corset torture, Shownu’s surprisingly amazing makeup skills, and paired with Jooheon’s voice training he even believed it. Well sort of. 

Still the image was further helped into believability by playing on his resemblance to their mother. Of whom there were only a few things left, some paintings and dresses, with a few trinkets of jewelry. He was wearing one of her dresses now. Despite not being a courtesan their mother had a love for their style, a love their father had fed into. The dress he wore now was one of the last ones that their father had acquired for her, she'd never worn it. For him though the shoulders fit perfectly, the dress highlighting how broad they were compared to other women. A feature that was as highly valued as wide birthing hips. 

Many of the valued features of the kingdom were something he was blessed with for his opposite gender. And what he didn't have he'd been forced to acquire. Still unlike these princes, he knew what was underneath all of it. Though he knew it would probably take him as many weeks unlearning the habits as he'd spent learning them. He tried not to think about any of that though focusing on maintaining his smile. The princes were still eyeing him, and each other. No words spoken. 

In the moment he found his eyes darting towards the guards. Now might be the moment, even if he suddenly thought that he didn't really want to kill Minhyuk. As from what he'd learned so far he'd make the better king. He wasn't obsessed with power like his brothers. Likely from watching it corrupt them. Either way it wasn't like he could call off the job now. His brothers would die. And if he were caught, he would too. 

It turned out it wasn't the moment to begin with. The taller guard was watching Mingyu, relaxed as they come. The shorter guard though was watching him. His eyes not quite as serious as his expression. Kihyun resisted the urge to blush at how well it felt like this guard saw through him. Instead he looked back at Minhyuk, whose expression had suddenly gone soft as he stood up, inching closer to him. It sent a chill down his spine. 

“This is Duchess Yoo Ki.” Minhyuk broke the short silence. Yet something in Minhyuk’s voice felt off as he looked back at his younger brother. And Kihyun knew whatever he said next he wasn't going to like in the least. “Are you interested dear brother?” 

Mingyu hadn't answered, it wasn't necessary. It was apparent from the instant flush that started from the younger’s ears, working its way to what was visible of his neck and through his cheeks. Yet Kihyun got the feeling even before the shorter opened his mouth that he'd vehemently deny it. An untruth if he'd ever heard one, was exactly what came out. A sputtered ‘no’. And Kihyun wasn't sure how he felt about it, unable to look away from the young prince. His employer who was unaware of his purpose here or his true gender. Which would get him killed if it were discovered, he was sure now. Even more than before. 

After all there were rumors, many, many rumors about Mingyu. Including the one that had been passed along in hushed whispers through the night, that Mingyu had shown no interest in the women. That he had never shown interest in women. A very, very frowned upon thing in a royal family. Or in general polite company. Not that Kihyun cared much himself as he didn't find either sex that appealing. Well as a whole anyway, there had been a few that caught his eye, but it wasn't because of gender. It felt like a whole minute had passed by the time one of them spoke again. Though he was certain it had only been a handful of seconds. 

By then Kihyun felt he'd already fallen into a fairy tale with a prince falling for him at first sight, even though he wore a mask. He couldn't help hoping he was mistaken as he registered Minhyuk pulling him closer by an arm, that was suddenly slung around his waist. The chill returning to his spine at the action. Minhyuk’s voice was soft when he spoke, the arm pulling him even closer, drawing a soft moan from his lips. His body now pressed against the prince's side. The words he spoke barely registering as he tried to control his expression. His eyes refusing to meet anyone’s. 

“That's good then because I've taken an interest in this one.” Before anything else could be said Mingyu had turned on his heel, the flush on his face evident from his red ears. Minhyuk chuckled darkly as his younger brother stormed away. The last words thrown over his shoulder an unconvincing ‘I'm not interested’. Kihyun found himself reminded of the way his brothers teased him. Only people's lives weren't involved when they teased him about his unusual interests. 

As the moment ended he struggled, slightly, to get away from the arm that was still wrapped around him. He didn’t believe what Minhyuk had said. Though the action and words had left him itching to find one of his knives. He didn’t, instead he looked at the guards. They were more attentive than he wanted them to be. The taller was still relaxed, eyes trained on where the young prince had left. While the shorter was still staring at him, or more pointedly at the arm secured around his waist, keeping him hostage. He resisted the blush that wanted to overtake his face when their eyes met. This guard was dangerous and he could feel it, just not quite in the same way that his brothers were. 

When his actions continued to fail he noticed the prince had a quizzical, yet knowing look in his eyes. Kihyun sighed internally. He couldn’t forget himself here or the role he was supposed to be playing. Most ladies of the kingdom, and he was sure a few men, wanted to be with the prince. And here he was struggling to free himself. Of course those that wanted this weren’t sent here to kill said prince and certainly weren’t cross dressing.

So instead he played his shy card again. The one that had gotten him out of several dances already. “Di-did you really mean that?” He made sure to bat his eyes, his hand falling on the prince's arm softly. Kihyun couldn’t fight the blush that intensified at his words and action. Though all it got him was a very thoughtful expression from Minhyuk. One that, much like the shorter guard’s look, made him feel he was being seen right through. He certainly hoped not or he’d end up dead yet. 

“How long did you practice your falsetto?” The question threw him off guard, as did the sudden release of the arm around him. The action and words sending him backwards, where he landed on the bench awkwardly. He noted the way the guards both turned to look at them, suddenly alert hands on their hilts. He bit back his first response and the prince continued. “You don’t need to hide it. I already know you’re a man, I’ve known since I joined you. Mingyu might be too virginal to tell a man from a woman but I’m not.” Minhyuk’s voice was no more serious than it had been before. 

Kihyun knew he was flushed without looking up to meet the prince’s eyes. His sight caught somewhere between where his feet would be at the end of his skirts and the walkway. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? He’d been caught already. Though it was questionable if Minhyuk had been the only one to notice, he was the first to say anything. Yet now that he had, Kihyun couldn’t help feeling that he’d been cut off at the knees. The noose was already there in his vision. If he lived long enough to make it there that was. He needed to know. “Are you going to kill me?”

“I’m not going to kill you.” Minhyuk’s exasperation was let out in a sigh and the sound of his body settling onto the bench. When Kihyun spared him a glance he saw a smirk on the prince’s handsome face. He hazarded a look at the guards, both were still relaxed, softer expressions in place than had been before. "It's quite obvious that Mingyu has taken a liking to you.” Kihyun couldn't disagree there, because it was obvious. What it had to do with anything was not. 

“I have use for you.” Minhyuk’s voice had taken on a serious quality now. And for the first time since they’d met Kihyun could see the family resemblance between Minwoo and Minhyuk. All of the stories his brothers had told him about the elder prince flashing before his mind as he stared at Minhyuk’s sadistic smile. 

“What if I don’t want anything to do with either of you?” He regretted asking as soon as the words left his lips. He already knew there truly was no escape and Minhyuk only served to remind him of that. Kihyun could now tell that the earlier conversation had been part act on the prince’s part. All of Minhyuk’s sweetness of before having left him. Replaced by the calm and controlled voice he used to tell Kihyun what he expected of him, what he knew about him. What he knew about Minwoo’s death that he hadn't given away before. 

It was as they were leaving the garden, the short guard beside him and the tall one beside Minhyuk, that Kihyun felt his fate weigh on him. He was stuck like this. A pawn in a royal game for the throne, despite his wishes. And really all he’d set out to do was save his brothers and himself from death. Yet now it felt like an even more daunting shadow lurking behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ReEdited


	2. Tea with the Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did this in chapters so I could be slower. I'm a pretty slow writer at the core. But that aside there are a few details I need to mention before we move onward.
> 
> This takes place in a kingdom like England. Why England? I know it better and seriously it is the first type of kingdom to come to mind at the word Prince. Tell me I'm wrong.
> 
> Second AGES! To break it down because this chapter includes them all I'm going basic. Kihyun is the second youngest in this fic with Mingyu being the youngest. Ages will be revealed in chapter.

This was Kihyun’s third carriage ride in a dress now, only this time he wasn't alone. Across from him sat Changkyun, the shorter of Minhyuk’s bodyguards. The brunette had been officially assigned as Kihyun’s personal bodyguard two days ago. Kihyun had known it was coming since the ball a week ago. He’d been informed of it when he was told what was expected of him, right after he had been discovered to be a man. 

That night, the night of the ball was still engraved in Kihyun’s memory as one of the most eventful and terrifying nights of his life. As once he'd left the garden, crowned prince and entourage in tow, he'd been forced to dance. Which wouldn't really have been a problem, if he hadn't just emerged from the gardens with the most sought after prince in the kingdom. Let alone after they'd both disappeared for a little under thirty minutes. 

It felt like all eyes were on them as Minhyuk swept him around the floor, the skirt of his dress swishing around his legs. Though he knew the expression ‘all eyes were on me’ was generally an exaggeration, it didn't feel like it right then. As Minhyuk waltzed him around as if he were on display. Only it wasn't just a fanciful illusion in his mind, unlike the one he’d heard all girls dream of. It was more like a nightmare he didn't want any part of it.

It also felt like a colossal waste of time. He'd spent the entire ball before now trying to go low profile or unnoticed. Just so he could kill the prince whose arms were now around his waist. Kihyun wanted to lament his fate but instead he was forced to smile, giggle, and flirt on command. Luckily they were the sort of things he'd trained for. Though the pressure from Jooheon and Minhyuk were miles apart. With Jooheon, his life and the life of his loved ones didn't hang in the balance between his acting skills. Or hinge on people believing what they were shown.

Minhyuk was at least a great dancer, and decent conversationalist. Even if the topics were much lighter than he'd expected them to be after the first two dances. The crowned prince's demeanor being relaxed and his laughter genuine helped. Kihyun soon found a few of his own giggles were sincere. The prince was almost likeable. And maybe he could have enjoyed himself if he weren't terrified of someone figuring out the secret of his gender. Or more accurately what the princes would do about it. 

Still the moment was coming where if his gender was going to be discovered it would be then. As was tradition with all masquerade balls held by the their kingdom, there was a ballroom wide moment in which everyone removed their masks. A long standing tradition he knew wouldn't be broken. The moment usually occurred at the halfway point of the ball. During a traditional song, one that everyone in the kingdom knew would be played and the ballroom would pair off. Part of the fun was for the single men and women who paired with someone whose identity was unknown to them. Then at the height of the song seeing who they’d paired off with. 

When the moment came he wasn’t ready for it even though he’d known from the first chord. Minhyuk’s devilishly attractive smile didn’t make him feel any better. He’d already seen what was beneath the mask and Minhyuk himself wasn’t wearing one. Neither were his guards. No guards were allowed to wear masks at any ball as the king believed a cautious kingdom was a wise kingdom. That however, didn’t mean Kihyun was ready for the rest of the ball to see his face, even if he believed he still looked womanly enough without it. After all everything was planned for. Shownu’s makeup was something he believed in. 

The music slowed, just before the crescendo every pair of dancers stopped, Kihyun was grateful they hadn’t stopped in the middle. To their right was the garden and to their left Mingyu was dancing with another woman. Kihyun noticed though his eyes weren't on his dance partner. Who removed her mask by herself, revealing a far less beautiful package than the mask had been. The task itself was one the younger prince was supposed to, by tradition, do for her. But Mingyu’s eyes were instead on him as Minhyuk drew Kihyun's attention back to himself. Hands raising to either side of his mask.

Kihyun felt his heartbeat skyrocket as he felt warm palms surrounding his face, Minhyuk’s hands large and imposing. He didn’t want to look into the prince’s dark eyes when his face was revealed, his face already flushed enough. Instead he found his eyes drifting, away from Mingyu and towards the garden. Just slight of the garden Minhyuk’s bodyguards stood keeping watch, the shorter caught his eye for just a second. It only intensified his flush when their eyes met and forced him to recenter his focus on the prince. He knew without looking the surrounding eyes were on them. 

Minhyuk had waited until every other face had been revealed, wanting the attention granted to the last couple. Kihyun hadn’t, but there wasn’t much he could say or do in this situation. Other than hold his breath as his face was revealed, a few soft whispers meeting his ears along with the music. The tempo was picking up and the dancing resumed. It felt like even more eyes were on them as they continued their sweep of the ballroom. The feeling had his heart rate up the rest of the song. Spiking radically when he heard whispers about himself. Though it sounded like most of them were about his beauty, or perceived beauty. 

The longer they danced without masks the less Kihyun worried. Pacified by the whispers and Minhyuk’s assurances that his gender hadn't been easy to spot. At least from afar, which as he was only dancing with Minhyuk wasn't a problem. That had been until their fourth maybe fifth dance when Minhyuk didn't allow him to refuse the offer of a new dance partner. Nor turn the askee away as he had done before. 

This time the askee was Mingyu. Eagerness written on the younger prince’s face while his body language read polite. Kihyun wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, but was whisked away in his arms regardless as the music began. Compliments to his beauty some of the first words Mingyu had spoken directly to him. His tone awestruck and his interest even more evident than it had been in the garden.

The youngest prince wasn’t quite as good a dancer as his elder, but good enough. Kihyun found that despite the size gap it wasn’t that uncomfortable to dance with him. Though throughout the dance all Kihyun could truly think about was not being discovered. Making him the likely problem with his own stiffness, which faded away as the dance went on. Minhyuk’s comment on how virginial Mingyu was kept coming to mind at the way the younger prince moved and talked. As if he’d never been with anyone before of either gender. Not that Kihyun was going to judge him on those sorts of things to begin with. Mingyu had only recently become an adult. 

After the first dance was over, the fright from dancing with Mingyu was replaced by something like a better understanding. An understanding he wasn’t able to do anything with. For as soon as the music so much as paused Kihyun had found himself whisked away by Minhyuk again. The next dance was Mingyu, practically dashing him out of his elder brother’s arms. Neither of them leaving any opportunity for him to dance with anyone else, as their twirling him around the ballroom became a cycle. One that kept repeating despite his wish to just sit down and rest. 

In only a few short dances it felt like hours of being whisked around the ballroom floor. Whichever prince he wasn't dancing with competing for his attention with another dance partner. The men and women eyeing either the prince or himself enviously. He found his arms never free of one of the prince’s, either dragging him for another dance or away from a suitable offer. Thankfully though he’d come to the conclusion that no one suspected he was a man. Or at least there was no one that was going to say anything about it, anyway. Not now. Not with everyone watching. Not when it seemed the kingdom's spirits were finally raised after Minwoo’s death. 

As the exchange of his dance partners went on exclusively between the two princes, he realized Mingyu was surprisingly better company than he’d expected. A good mix of witty, intelligent, and playfully flirty. Often tinting Kihyun’s cheeks red as the younger moved them gracefully this way or that at the right moment in timing with a compliment. It was a little nerve wracking to know that his employer, a brother killer, was what was to be considered good company. 

While Minhyuk was more the dashingly charming sort, a smooth talker, and the kind to get what he wanted easily. Kihyun could almost understand why the women of the kingdom would want him. Or even Mingyu if he were being honest. They, at least in public, were everything a prince was supposed to be. But unbeknownst to Mingyu, Kihyun knew what he was like behind closed doors, and he was quickly learning about Minhyuk as well. His double face and efficiency with lies. Small ones that Kihyun might not have noticed if he weren't aware of why the princes were doting on him.

He'd already lost track of the number of dances when he was finally given reprieve. A short break for a speech from the king, long enough for him to slip away in the crowd to rest his weary feet. Long enough for his brothers to approach him, worried looks and pleas for him to stop. That they'd find a different way. It broke his heart to tell them there wasn't one. He was trapped between the princes, at least for the night. And if Minhyuk had his way, for far longer. Long enough for the prince to get his revenge for being left out of Mingyu’s plans, for Minwoo’s death. 

He was lucky enough to squeeze in a dance with Wonho, who had whisked him to his feet the moment he saw Minhyuk. Which meant he could only watch as his other two brothers conversed with the white haired prince. Their expressions closed and guarded as they all refused dance partners to continue discussing. Whatever it was only had him worried. So worried he jolted, almost stepping on his elder brother’s toes when he squeezed his side. 

“You know you don't have to carry the burden alone.” Wonho’s smooth and steady voice made him feel better but Kihyun still found his eyes on Minhyuk. The prince’s expression softer, by just a touch when their eyes met. Beside him his bodyguards were attentive and ruining every chance there might be to turn things around. Still he did listen to his elder brother as they talked quietly about the situation. Wonho’s advice was something he valued and was often more positive than his own. Which made everything feel a lot less hopeless than it had before by the time they'd returned to his other brothers. 

The feeling didn't last long in face of the gloomy atmosphere he was met with. But whatever his brothers or Minhyuk had been about to say was cut off. The whole ball falling silent as the king descended his throne, even the music halting. Each step he took preceded by his scepter, a thump step rhythm audible in the silence. Kihyun knew that the expression of ‘all eyes’ were reserved for moments like this, when all eyes truly were centered. Every step the king took echoed in the eyes of every single attendee. Eager and wary all at once, the king had not moved more than to stand for his speech. Though his serious eyes had taken in everything from his higher vantage point. 

Kihyun felt like his heart might stall as every step the king took was one step closer to him, his eyes scanning the guests. Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling they were really only wandering away from him to distract him from their approach. Women courstied and men bowed as the king passed, raising as he left them in his wake. Much to his dismay coming ever closer, giving him the idea that the metaphorical noose around his neck was going to be quite literal and infinitely more painful to bear. 

“Father,” Kihyun noted that Minyuk’s voice was cheerful, as if he’d gotten what he wanted. And while it sent a shiver down his spine it also made him fidget as he courstied. Still something about his voice was nice, much nicer than he wanted it to be. When he glanced up at the exchange the king was smiling also listening to his eldest remaining son. “Does this mean you’ve considered my request?” 

The king remained silent his eyes scanning over them, Kihyun felt the heat rise on his cheeks when they landed on him. His own eyes wanted to dart downward, away from the ruler and towards his dress. They didn’t though instead they trailed over to the prince and his guards, none of which had even bent at the waist. He found himself catching dark eyes, those of the taller guard, that forced his own finally downward in a span of seconds. 

“I will decide shortly.” The king’s voice was smoother up close than he’d thought it would be. Nicer to listen to than when it was used to drone on in speeches. Speeches that most of the kingdom didn’t really care for, but weren’t brave enough to protest. Fear of the rumored magic, fear of royal might, and an overall sense of loyalty keeping their words in check. 

“Rise.” Kihyun heard and felt his brothers raise around him. He took the outstretched hand that was offered to help him up. It wasn’t until he was up on his feet again, dress falling in place around him, that he realized whose hand it was. “Dance with me.” It wasn’t a request and Kihyun knew it from the way the king squeezed his hand. His hair now more gray than white from age, did not mean his strength had waned. All Kihyun could do was nod in reply, catching the small worried glances of his brothers from the corner of his eye. 

This dance had even more onlookers than his dances before, especially now that his partner had changed to someone even higher up. Another difference being that this dance was smoother than any that had come before it, the king a talented dancer. The conversation though was one Kihyun knew he’d never be able to forget. 

The king had kept him for two dances, their conversation never drifting from the topic of himself. Questions he both had and hadn’t been prepared for. Some of which Minhyuk had forced him to think about or fed him answers for during their time in the garden or their first few dances. The dances before anyone realized Minhyuk wasn’t going to leave his side tonight. 

The king’s dances were dances that led to an admission, one that neither surprised nor pleased Kihyun. The admission being that both Minhyuk and Mingyu had approached their father about asking to court the beautiful woman they’d been dancing with all night. Two formal requests given at the same time. Requests the king also admitted he could not rightfully agree to without having at least met and talked with Kihyun himself. Though after having met him the king confessed he wasn’t sure which of his sons he felt was best suited for the courtship. Kihyun had wanted to tell the king neither and that he was a man. 

He might have if not for the daggers Minhyuk was shooting at his brothers from his eyes. The atmosphere around them no more improved than it had been earlier. Which he supposed was to be expected since they’d killed his elder brother, and were to kill him. Kihyun suspected that job was going to be dropped and soon. Once Mingyu discovered their relation to his new crush. 

Much to Kihyun’s dismay he found his time together with the king ended on a lower note than it’d started. And a bigger mess. The king had left him by returning to the throne. But not before inviting him to the palace, to stay with them in order for Kihyun to choose between the two besotted princes. The king being unable to deny the happiness of his remaining children. Kihyun could only wish the king would. If only so he and his family could find a way out. To remove themselves from the tangled web that had been unintentionally weaved in their struggle to survive. 

It was harder to remember anything after that moment. Though Kihyun was allowed one more dance with each of his brothers. The situation spelled out for them clearly as he was waltzed around the ball, both princes keeping a close eye on them. Even as the rumors of their relationship spread, whispers floating through a gossip hungry crowd. A story that Minhyuk had woven about him and his arrival in the kingdom, the current hot topic that twirled around them. It didn’t matter, the dances were short and he was soon in the company of the princes again. This time only too aware of the happy nature of the king’s favor and watchful eyes.

By the end of the ball Changkyun had been assigned to him, as protection for the night. Until he would officially be assigned as Kihyun’s bodyguard. Though Kihyun knew that wasn't his true role. Minhyuk might have sold himself as charming, to the point Kihyun wanted to believe him but he didn't. The prince's mask had already been revealed when he’d shown his true colors and intentions in the garden. Telling him in exact detail what was expected of him if he wanted to live, if he wanted his brothers to live. Reminding him they wouldn't make it out of the kingdom alive. 

Not that he’d been entirely certain he'd make it out of the ball alive with the way everyone had been staring at him. The women envious of the attention stolen from them, robbed of both princes. And the men unrighteously angry that the women were too focused on the matter at hand instead of them. And while the idea he’d ever need a guard had always been laughable before. What with three elder brothers who would assure nothing would happen to him, it wasn't laughable now. Not now that things had changed so drastically in only hours. Kihyun knew well that now without one his chances of living were slim. His chances of survival were slim even with one. 

Especially since he'd been invited to the castle for a courtship and possible marriage to one of the princes of the kingdom. With the secret that he was neither a woman or of any status. He knew though more than even before he’d have to play his cards right and tight to the chest. Or risk being caught and being responsible for his own death and that of his brothers. It wasn’t a risk he particularly wanted to take.

That night Changkyun had walked him to his carriage to ensure his safe arrival as he was watched enviously by every female present. He almost wished he could trade places with any of them instead and be happy with the attention from the princes. The brunette at least had been kind, his hand soft and warm as he’d helped him into the carriage. Minhyuk and Mingyu were both, for their part, stuck saying goodbyes to the guests inside. Though Kihyun did notice Mingyu’s personal bodyguard lurking, where he could just see him in the crowd. In other situations it might have been flattering to be seen off to his carriage.

The carriage then was similar to the one they were using now. Though this ride was quieter than when he’d been by himself. His thoughts heavier as the carriage moved steadily forward. Away from the only life he'd ever really known and into his new one. As currently they were on their way to the castle with what remained of his mother’s things packed into the cart behind them. Guarded by a few foot soldiers that Minhyuk had sent as well. And save for their chatter around and behind them all was quiet. Kihyun had expected it would be the moment that Changkyun had shown up on his doorstep with an official invitation to the palace. This one signed and just as daunting as the verbal one had been. The King's harold the first sign of it's arrival.

The arrival was unfortunately expected and planned for, prepared for in advance. Yet despite this it hadn’t stopped his brothers from trying to resist. Their arguments worthless in the face of the official royal invitation. An invitation that had only been extended to Kihyun himself, as duchess Yoo Ki. He suspected his brothers were still working off their anger over the situation back at home. He'd only left an hour ago now and they hadn't been in good shape then. Wonho, who was normally the most forgiving, had all but punched Changkyun after he’d revealed why he was there. There was nothing that could be done though, they all knew it. They'd been caught and the consequences were due. 

Shownu the eldest and most responsible had stood there stoically, the apology he couldn't bring himself to utter written on his face. As was the acceptance that this was his failure. Kihyun knew it wasn't, but he couldn't bring himself to say so either. It wouldn't have changed anything anyway. Jooheon had been the one to see him out. Forcing the two eldest to stay inside for their own good. He'd been teary eyed but stronger than the tears that wanted to fall. They had an image to maintain and a lie they could no longer afford to unravel. 

A lie known only to a select few. Minhyuk had made sure of it. As Kihyun and his brothers were now officially pawns in the hands of the crowned prince. The elder royal knew everything. He’d revealed as much to Kihyun at the ball. And now Minhyuk was using it to blackmail him into continuing the charade he'd started as the duchess. While expanding the cast at his leisure, making the story he wove into a bigger web of lies than it had been to start with.

Now duchess Yoo Ki, an alias made to suit the need of an escape had a full life story. Embellished in all the right places to make her seem more interesting than Kihyun had ever been. Yet still perfectly blended to his life and personality. It was all conveniently written down too. A way for him to memorize it, a way that would be burned once they reached the castle. One of the very few things Changkyun had said after his arrival, along with the first order of business once they reached the castle. Which would be to meet his lady in waiting. She'd been informed of the situation and he assumed paid to keep quiet. Though her role was partly going to be carried out by Changkyun. 

Kihyun had wanted to protest that part, his cheeks coloring at the very thought of Changkyun seeing him underneath the dress. A thought more daunting than when he'd first been forced to wear one. As it would make Changkyun the first one, beside his brothers, to see and help him with putting on his new alias and taking it off. 

He forced himself not to think about it staring harder at the backstory he was still memorizing. There wasn’t time to analyze why this guard was always bringing heat to his cheeks when he thought about being that close to him. After all both the princes and all of their bodyguards were attractive. It was a fact he was unable to deny, especially in light of how he was going to be around them for the foreseeable future. 

“We’re almost there.” Changkyun’s voice was deep, attractive in that way only deep voices could achieve. It stirred Kihyun from his thoughts bringing a flush to cheeks as he almost lost the backstory Minhyuk had written him. The paper fluttering in his hand wishing to fly out the window in the same way he wished he could, but just like him it was trapped. The chuckle that earned him was nice, smooth, and just a touch comforting that the person he was with was human. His fingers were warm when they grabbed the paper to be disposed of later. “When we arrive Myungsong, your lady in waiting will greet us and I’ll show you to your rooms.” Kihyun nodded, he’d been told this before.

“Once you’re settled in you’re scheduled to have tea with the queen.” Kihyun faltered for just a second his voice caught in his throat. This was news to him and it meant that his knowledge of his backstory was already going to be under fire. The guard chuckled again fetching another sheet of instructions from his pocket. These instructions were slightly smaller and the handwriting matching Minhyuk’s. “The prince said to give you this to memorize from this point forward. It should be of some use.” 

Kihyun nodded taking the extended lifeline and resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the way Minhyuk had written it. The same way he’d written the narrative of his supposed life, as if he were incapable of coming up with answers of his own, even to the simplest of questions. Though he supposed the prince had seen him thinking on the fly once before, he was willing to admit it wasn’t his finest hour. So he gritted his teeth and did his best to memorize the answers to questions that Minhyuk was certain the queen was going to ask. Some of the answers called for more honesty than he’d been expecting. 

After this revelation the carriage ride became quiet again and Kihyun missed the small bit of conversation within minutes. Though it hadn’t been titillating or even that engaging it had been nice to hear the guard’s voice. If only to serve as a distraction from his own increasingly depressing thoughts. He didn't speak again though instead reading the answers Minhyuk expected of him. The narrative he’d been given a sad one filled with deaths. In it’s own way it was fitting as that was how his family had stayed afloat for so long, on the murders and deaths of others. 

When the castle came into view it looked much different than it had on the night of the ball. There were no decorations, no music, and no guests surrounding the entrance. However it didn’t detract from how stunning the castle truly was with it’s three spires, colored tiles, and the beautiful flowers maintained around it. If he weren’t in the situation he was in, living in a place this nice might have been appealing. 

Outside where the carriage stopped there stood a young woman, easily no older than himself and probably closer to Mingyu’s age. Her attire was plain, a simple dress with two bulging pockets and stockings. Her eyes though looked happy, highlighted by how light they were against her tanned skin. Kihyun held back his shock at seeing the lightness of her eyes. They looked even lighter up close when she approached them as Changkyun helped him out of the carriage. Her smile was wide, pretty as the blue ribbon tied around her braid that matched her eyes. 

The color spoke of her mixed heritage he knew, as did her red hair. A color that was extremely rare among the people of the kingdom here and more common in their neighbors. He greeted her politely, the way women greeted each other, or he at least hoped he hadn’t been wrong from the frown it got him. 

“She’s mute. I apologize Myungsong, I forgot to inform him.” Changkyun’s deep voice was right next to his ear, and his hand was on his elbow. Gently guiding him forward up the large wide steps. Kihyun noticed the way the woman’s smile faded at the mention of her disability. He opened his mouth to ask only to be answered without having to. “Her tongue was cut out when she was younger for lying. In order to make sure that she would tell no more tales, Minhyuk saved her like he did me.” Myungsong nodded to his story a small frown falling onto her features.

He realized it made her perfect for someone with a secret yet Kihyun still found himself wondering if this was a good idea. The way Changkyun had worded himself made Minhyuk sound like the charming prince he wanted to be seen as. However his tone of voice didn’t make it sound like he had been truly saved. The words Minhyuk had said to Kihyun echoed back to him from a week ago. ‘I have use for you.’ He wondered if these two had also heard those words and become pawns for the prince. Or maybe Minhyuk wasn’t truly as bad as Kihyun wanted to believe. He knew he’d find out regardless. 

The walk from the entrance to the set of rooms he’d been given was a long one. They were in a place of some status in the east wing. Located a floor or two from the visiting dignitaries rooms. They were currently empty and he supposed this might have, at one point, been one of them. There were three rooms altogether. An antechamber leading into a sitting room which then bleed into a large, lavish bedroom. One that held a closet where his mother’s belongings would be placed. There were also several other dresses already there, ‘gifts’ from Mingyu and Minhyuk alike according to Myungsong. 

On the walk he’d learned that her pockets were full of pre-written responses. Which she used to answer common questions or in his case direct him. Some of the things she’d held up were in Minhyuk’s handwriting. Kihyun was no longer surprised that the prince was pulling all the strings. It was expected when Myungsong pointed him to a dress that was laid out for him to change into. Something more appropriate for his scheduled tea with the queen. It was fancier than the dress he was currently wearing, his mother's favorite for going out. He'd worn it to remind him of home. But now it was time to place it aside, just like his gender. 

It was still embarrassing even when Myungsong left the room for him to undress. She’d told him she would return again once all that was left was the bodice. Which was much more ornate than even the corset he’d worn at the ball. Kihyun wasn’t going to complain though as he turned his back to the bodyguard who remained in the room. It felt like Changkyun’s eyes were on his back and it made his cheeks red. It wasn’t the same as when he changed with his brothers, even though he knew it should be. It was just another man in the room. Yet his eyes felt more probing than they ought to. 

Kihyun supposed it was because Changkyun knew what he was, or had been more accurately. There were going to be plenty of openings now too. Which he and his brothers had discussed. They'd ultimately decided that it wasn’t worth it to off the crown prince. Minhyuk had obviously planned everything out, especially now that he’d been given the time. One false move would cost their lives. Regardless of if Minhyuk lived or not. Mingyu on the other hand was likely to rescind the job from his brothers once their relationship, as cousins in Minhyuk’s ruse, came to light as more than just a rumor.

He wanted to sigh, life had gotten much more complicated than he had been expecting. It was already complicated enough before with having assassins for brothers, not to the mention the other odd jobs they did the on side. Jobs he had never had anything to do with until now. The only job he’d ever been asked for direct help on had landed them in dire straights. Still there was a ray of hope. And it just happened to be the ruse he could hopefully keep up. But he wasn’t feeling too confident on that as he found himself lost in the garments set before him.

In the end Myungsong and Changkyun both stepped in to help him, the maid with a soft smile and the guard with a chuckle. He found himself hoping that maybe through all of this they might at least help ease the burden of being someone he wasn’t. But those were thoughts for later, instead he focused on what they were telling him about the queen. Answers to questions she'd ask him, that Minhyuk hadn't covered. Along with what he was expected to know about his prince charmings. More than what the idle rumors and general gossip had to offer. It was drilled into him quietly as he was led to the gardens. 

Only to be abandoned by his maid at the entrance, Myungsong running off to tend to her duties. While beside him Changkyun resumed the role of the silent guard ushering him forward. At this point Kihyun wasn’t sure if that was comforting or discouraging. It only went to show that Changkyun would always be there, lurking, watching him and those around him. Always there to both guard and trap him. He tried to push the thought from his mind instead focusing on memorizing the layout of the garden. 

Tea was served maybe a hundred or so yards from where Kihyun had taken shelter on the night of the ball. He couldn’t see the bench anymore but they’d passed it on the way by. And as he settled into the tiny, yet fancy, chair a servant pulled out for him he wished he were on it again. The queen looked less like the severe woman the rumors held her to be. But he knew from the snippets of information that had been whispered to him that the queen was formidable and only occasionally benevolent. He noted that her dress was black, muted for mourning. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt.

The queen’s eyes were fierce and he found her much like her second son tactile and charming. Her gestures were graceful and her voice high, melodic. It was off putting compared to the things she meant. Voice dripping with honey all while her words stung with digs into his life and questions of his status. Though he managed to answer the way Minhyuk had wanted him to. Quelling what seemed to be the queen’s fears that he was a crown chaser. He got the impression that she had once been in his position from the way she settled down once the tea was actually served. A blend of jasmine that filled the garden with its aroma. 

After the first sip though she was asking him for answers once more. “How old are you now?” The queen’s gaze was interested this time, as if he’d already won some of her favor. Though he knew that was to be expected using the answers that Minhyuk had given. This wasn’t one of them, just another fact to slip through the cracks of the prince’s indifference towards him as a person. Still he felt that being honest was not a problem here. Neither prince had bothered to ask his age assuming him old enough. 

“I will be forty-one seasons in the fall.” Kihyun answered with a smile. It was hard to believe that he was already getting close to fifty seasons. The golden age in the kingdom, though in the kingdom neighboring it was considered still young. Their idea of age skewed by their ideology of four seasons compared to two. Still it was generally told with their own age system. “In the neighboring kingdom that would make me twenty years.” He noticed the queen’s smile at the added information. He wondered if she, like him, was interested in the oddities of the neighboring kingdom. 

“Ah you aren’t much younger than Minhyuk he's forty-three seasons, twenty-five to our neighbors. Nor much older than Mingyu who will be thirty seasons in the spring. To our neighbors that would be fifteen. Did you know in their kingdom you are not considered an adult until they have reached your age? How preposterous.” The queen shook her head. Kihyun smiled in agreement that was an outrageous idea. Though he still found it hard to avoid her gaze at her next question, a question he’d been half expecting. “Mingyu is a fine adult, he’s also interested in your hand. Aren’t you interested?” 

He forced himself to pretend to be, as Minhyuk had instructed. He wasn’t. Mingyu might only be a tad younger than him at ten seasons or five years, but it was still too young. Instead he feigned not knowing enough about either prince to choose. Just as he’d suspected, and Minhyuk had forewarned, the queen tried to sway him to the younger prince. And he was willing to admit her points were good ones. Mingyu was very intelligent and attractive in his own ways. However he was also the planner of his elder brother’s murder, the queen’s favorite child. Not that Kihyun was going to tell her that. 

When he’d left the garden the queen had made him leave with an oath to consider the princes fairly. One he’d made on her good faith that he wasn’t here to take over the kingdom. He also left with her favor that he’d managed to win. Favor he’d won in his own right and not just with Minhyuk’s answers. 

He almost felt guilty for deceiving her. She seemed to care about both princes happiness. Even though Mingyu was not rightfully hers. She had a soft spot for the younger prince that he realized didn’t show to her sons. A soft spot that didn't really show to the kingdom. The kingdom only saw a queen who raised another woman's son at a distance. He'd seen it though in how she'd talked about him. She'd raised Mingyu since infancy, his biological mother had died upon his birth. Though it was obvious her own children were her favorites.

Kihyun didn’t hold back sighing once he’d reached a good distance from the garden. In the end he knew he had to make a choice between the princes or finding another way. He sincerely hoped that there might be one as Changkyun informed him Minhyuk had called him to the library. The library like the gardens were magnificent and grand. The smell of books calling to his soul just as much as the greeny had. Though what took his breath away wasn’t the grandness of it all, nor the sheer amount of literature in one place. It was Minhyuk.

Kihyun had realized the prince was attractive at the ball, obviously after all he had danced with him until his feet were numb. Under the circumstances he hadn’t really registered much about the prince besides his personality. His attractiveness didn’t elude him now that he was seeing the prince in his natural habitat. Minhyuk’s white hair was highlighted by the fading sun through the window. He sat engrossed in a book wearing clothes that suited him more than those of the ball. The image was a contrast to his memory of the prince. One warped around his demands. He found himself swallowing when Minhyuk looked up at him, black eyes smiling as he greeted him. 

Kihyun felt his heart skip a beat when he was motioned over, a pile of books was indicated by his gesture. The taller guard, Hyungwon swept them away making room for him to sit and be seen. They were passed off to the librarian and both guards took a spot at a fair distance so they would have some privacy. Or at least a semblance thereof in the very public place.

Kihyun found Minhyuk to be just as charming outside the ballroom as he had been in it. Idle castle gossip and directions flowing from the prince in the much the same way his directions had during dances. Smoother and much less demanding than in the garden. For the first time since arriving at the castle, Kihyun felt that maybe this ruse wasn’t going to be as bad as he had originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ReEdited i really do prefer bigger paragraphs


	3. Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end.

Kihyun hid his face as another round of sobbing hit him. He hadn’t wanted to spend his evening crying but here he was. His face pressed into the silk cover on his pillow and his dress only half off as he hid in his bed. The world outside just as dark as the thoughts in his head. He’d really done it this time and there was no coming back from where he’d landed. 

Outside the locked door of his bedroom he could hear Changkyun’s shuffling feet, to his right was Myungsong. She was patting his back, trying to assure him that everything couldn’t be all bad. He wanted to believe her, really he did. But this wasn't the first time Minhyuk had made him cry. She knew it and he knew it. As despite believing he'd be dismissed at a week, he'd been at the palace for a little over three months now. And if he thought the ball had been an emotional ride these last few months had been worse. Though they hadn't started that way much like the ball itself. The first two weeks had been mostly enjoyable. 

During the first week Minhyuk had taken him on several personal tours of the castle until he had gotten the layout down. All pleasant courtesy and charming personality as he did so. A fountain of interesting information spilling from the white haired prince’s perfect lips as they walked together. The prince a whole lot closer than he needed to be. Especially on the few tours that Mingyu had joined them on. 

Though it wasn't all pleasant walks through the castle grounds. There were still orders, demands, and things that were asked of him. All of which were doled out by Minhyuk. Usually whispered to him on their walks when no one was around or passed along as notes. Either handed to him by Changkyun or Myungsong. As a reminder that they weren’t on his side, that they too were the prince’s pawns. 

Among the many social demands Minhyuk made of him joining the sewing circle was one Kihyun didn’t mind. He found it was nice to be surrounded by others who loved the craft he’d spent much of his time on at home. It was nice being praised for his proficiency and expertise for once. Though the items they worked on in the sewing circle, embroidery mostly, were not what he was used to they were enjoyable. 

Kihyun was also required to accompany Minhyuk to a few writing workshops, the prince’s handwriting not quite up to par. They were interesting lessons though and he found himself seeing a side of Minhyuk he hadn’t quite expected to. Minhyuk’s need for perfection shown through in the first few lessons, the prince’s white hair often stained with black spots of ink when he left. It threw the prince into a light he didn't quite want to see. 

It forcibly reminded him that the prince was human. A flawed being just like any other. And it made his heart squeeze just slightly, in the same way it had when he'd sympathized at the loss of his elder brother. It wasn't a feeling he wanted to have any more now than he had that night at ball. As the stakes were just as high and the demands of him higher. His life and those of his brothers still in Minhyuk’s hands. 

Hands that Kihyun was now dancing in as he followed the prince’s orders, albeit begrudgingly. Including but not limited to flirting with the younger prince. Who Minhyuk made sure he saw as often as possible. And on such occasions the younger prince sidled up to Kihyun as if he belonged there. Though Kihyun had been directed not to say anything about it. And though Minhyuk himself acted as if Kihyun were his, he still found it easy to flirt with Mingyu. 

The younger prince just as nice, witty, and flirty whenever they met around the castle as he had been during their dances. It only made it easier to flirt back. It made it easier to forget what he was when they talked, though the words ‘brother killer’ still lingered in the back of his mind each time. He was still good company with his his consistent interest and conversational skills. 

But as week one turned into week two things changed again. With Kihyun becoming accustomed to the castle, it’s life bustling but routine. He no longer got lost on his way to library or to the kitchens on his own. And either because of or in spite of his current position, he wasn’t sure which, he’d been given tasks around the castle to perform himself. Simple things that might not have been asked of him if he were not a now considered a long staying guest. One the castle staff and most of the royal family thought would be there forever. The idea that he would one day take over these duties already cemented in their minds as they watched him with the princes. 

The question of which prince he would choose was one that always hung in the air. The maidservants never quiet in their whispering when he passed. The soldiers were stoic and silent as he passed but he often felt their eyes lingering. It was moments like those he wished he could come clean about his gender. Instead he went about the tasks given to him, none more difficult than those he’d carried out for his brothers. The simple tasks varied from overseeing a maid work or to choosing the tableware for dinner from the kitchens while he was in there. 

They were tasks that reminded him of home. But he didn’t mind the work, not really. As both princes were often busy with either their continued studies or duties, he spent a lot of time alone just cooking or reading with one of his own assigned servants nearby. Honestly a good majority of his time was spent between the library and in the kitchens. When he wasn’t with one or both of the princes. 

It was something he was used to. He had been, more often than not, alone at home, well other than the few chickens he kept and their horses. There was a different feeling here at the castle though when he was ‘alone’. He missed home. But that wasn't something he was allowed to say. Myungsong was the only one who had heard it directly, and maybe Changkyun too if he’d been listening hard enough. He didn’t doubt the guard was. The brunette was just simply always there, watching or listening whether Kihyun wanted him there or not. 

At first it had been nerve wracking knowing someone was watching his every move. The same way it had been at the ball, though this time there weren’t several hundred eyes just two. And occasionally Changkyun was replaced by Hyungwon, the tall lankier guard. He spoke even less than Changkyun did on most occasions. The guards not bothering to talk to him unless he addressed them first. Still he’d grown to like them despite their quietness. He understood that they were there to keep watch over him as protection, just as much as for the purpose of keeping him there. Though it wasn’t as if he’d run away with the stakes as they were. 

Then there was Myungsong, who was willing to talk, her hand moving as fast as it could across the flimsy pad of paper she carried. It wasn’t the same. Which meant that most of the conversation he’d had in the first two weeks at the castle that hadn’t been with servants, had been during the sewing circle. Mostly with the queen, who was pleasantly chatty most of the time and seemed to favor him and his approach to sewing. Or he spoke most with the princes themselves. That changed again when the third week rolled in and Minhyuk began taking him on outings. Showing him off at his side in fancier dresses than Kihyun had ever seen. Dresses he was growing tired of wearing. 

Kihyun found himself missing pants more and more as the days went forward. Each dress lovely or lovelier than the last. Each weighted with an identity that wasn’t his own. He was able to find a little solace in talking with Myungsong about the divide between who was he pretending to be and who he was. She listened, though he supposed that was all she could do. It was her job to support him just as much as it was his job to play his part for Minhyuk. 

Still he found himself growing closer to her. Her smile and blue eyes the highlight of some of his afternoons. Usually the ones spent with Minhyuk alone, without anyone else present. They were rare occasions but these encounters were much different than they were around people. The mask Minhyuk wore was gone when they were alone, replaced by his true self. His true self being the blackmailer, loyal prince, and hurt brother. Those were the times that Minhyuk was straightforward and to the point. Not sparing Kihyun’s feelings. Giving no illusions to what he would do if he had to. In the same manner he had addressed things that night in the garden.

Yet begrudgingly Kihyun found himself charmed by the prince the same way everyone else in the castle was. The private meetings aside, Minhyuk was mostly likable. And when others were around Minhyuk treated Kihyun as if he were the center of the universe. Doting on him, taking care of him, and playing a truly smitten prince. Which made the private meetings all the more jarring. The harsh words and actions quite different from the prince he normally saw. Often leaving him crying at the reality he’d found himself in. One he was facing alone when he was used to having his brothers by his side.

Myungsong was helpful, wonderful even. If he dared to say so, as it seemed like she genuinely cared about him and his feelings. Despite only knowing him for a little over three weeks when he asked her for her own version of her story, finally allowing himself to truly open up to her. And once he had, she suggested he open up to Minhyuk as well. An idea that sat ill on his stomach but gnawed at his conscious as he spent time with the white haired male. 

Despite the advice he found it harder to talk to the taller prince openly about personal things. His heart would squeeze too tightly when their eyes met, or his face would flush when the prince’s arm landed around his waist. The same way he’d felt when it had happened in the gardens. His heart would occasionally skip a beat when Minhyuk looked at him when they were alone, in the few times he was decent. But instead he found it far easier to open up to Mingyu, even though the risks were greater.

There wasn’t anything that Mingyu could do for him though. Still the young prince offered, taking him on outings of his own. Outings that Minhyuk both approved of and did not at the same time. Kihyun knew this was what the elder prince wanted, a hope to be given to the younger prince. One that Minhyuk was going to snatch from him the same way it had been snatched from him. 

During his time at the castle Kihyun had come to understand Minhyuk better. And in doing so he realised the problem wasn’t that Minwoo was dead, or that Mingyu had had him killed. The true problem that Minhyuk had with Minwoo’s death was that he was now the crown prince. And that there wasn’t anything he could about it. The king refused to allow him to decline the throne and he refused to consider Mingyu, despite his capabilities in taking over. Though he’d never talked to Minhyuk about it, only observing. 

In the end it took him a month to open up to Minhyuk and tell him that he missed his brothers. He did miss them though, terribly so. He missed the way that Wonho would tease him while he cooked, Shownu’s fond smiles, and Jooheon’s cute antics that made him feel better when they left. He’d been told he could write them. He hadn’t. There was nothing he could say that would make him miss them less or make them feel better. Guilt was now a river between them. One that Kihyun wasn’t sure any of them would be able to cross until the situation was resolved. Though he doubted there was truly a resolution as a month slipped into two. 

The outings with the princes doubling in number the longer he stayed. The tasks he was given more important each week as if he had already become the princess of the castle. He had to admit that he felt like it with the way both princes doted on him. Buying him dresses, jewelry, and openly attempting to woo him. It was nice. It was very different from the way his brothers treated him at home, or even anyone at home for that matter. He’d never experienced anything like it before. Of course he’d also never been remotely interested in anyone besides himself before either. 

At least not to their extent. Though there had been one girl, the one who ran the library back home. She had been sweet and kind to him whenever he stopped by for a book. She was cute with dark eyes that smiled even more than her lips. Minhyuk reminded him of her whenever they went out together. His smile kind and his words sweet, much sweeter than when they were alone. Though his smile often made his heart constrict like hers had.

It wasn’t until month three had stormed him with surprise that he’d realized what that meant. He’d wanted to deny it. Had outright denied it several times to Myungsong who gently prodded him about his feelings every so often. Most often when he cried, the hurtful things that Minhyuk said to him cutting deeper than he wanted to admit. Deeper than he felt like he’d ever been cut before. And all while Myungsong comforted him Changkyun stood by, stoic and unmoving. 

He remembered the first time he’d cried in front of his stoic guard. Back then Kihyun had panicked. It was the first time another male had seen him cry. Well that wasn't his brothers, not even his father had seen him cry beyond infancy. So he wasn’t sure what to expect, he’d heard other men were not nice to men that cried. Treating them as if they were women, an issue he already dealt with when it came to both princes, in private and in public.

Changkyun though had just continued to stand stoically, his eyes averted but his body language said he was still alert. Kihyun had felt as if the guard were protecting him and the tears he hadn’t meant to cry from view. And then instead of saying anything when the tears did subside, Changkyun took the time to fix Kihyun’s makeup and face so it didn’t look as if he’d been crying. It was a very different reaction from what he suspected Minhyuk would be like. That is if the prince ever saw him crying, he certainly hoped it would never happen. As the prince hadn't left any illusions on his thoughts of Kihyun’s family nor Kihyun himself. Not in private anyway.

The tears themselves had come after one such encounter, during his third week in the castle. An encounter in which Minhyuk had reminded him how little he thought of a family of assassins. It had hurt, not because Minhyuk had insulted him but that the prince had insulted his family and their struggle to survive. Making a mockery of the lengths they’d gone to in order to eek out an existence that allowed them to live comfortably. Along with taking jabs at Kihyun himself for becoming like a woman. 

Instead of being able to say anything about the prince’s comments he’d been forced to keep quiet and ride his horse alongside the prince’s on their outing. Riding side saddle, the same way all women were expected to. Then having to swallow his pride more by having to allow the prince to help him down in the same manner women were. Just another thing for Minhyuk to comment on later when they were alone.

Still it was nice to know now that Changkyun at least did not see him any differently, before or after shedding tears. Granted the guard hadn’t really acknowledged that it had happened until Kihyun asked either. A simple question, ‘if crying made him more like a woman than even the dress did’. Which was a fear that Minhyuk had been cultivating in him since his second week at the castle. Telling him he was below everyone there because he was a cross dresser. Though his comments had subsided as of late it didn’t change what the prince had said. And Minhyuk did not care that this wasn’t what Kihyun had wanted to begin with. 

Kihyun was sure it wasn’t the guard’s job, but Changkyun did offer him some comfort on the issue. Words that Kihyun reminded himself of when Minhyuk was on another of his tangents, which he still fell into even if they were less extreme now than they had been. It was a simple message, that no matter what he wore or which gender he pretended to be that day he was always himself. A much needed thought in face of the prince's ‘honesty’. 

It hadn’t taken very long at the castle for Kihyun to realize his mistake in thinking Minhyuk did not think himself above the people. Something that was shown in private and public, where the trait was openly on display. A trait he shared with the rest of the royal family. Save maybe Mingyu who had been gracious to everyone, though Kihyun suspected that was more out of the need to feel like he truly belonged.

In all honesty it hadn’t taken him long to pinpoint the problems within the royal family as a whole and in light of them, the problems of the kingdom. Though it wasn’t his place to speak on them. Nor was there anyone for him to talk to about them. As he was sure the staff themselves were aware. Just as they had to have been aware of what Minwoo was doing. But just like in the case of the eldest prince they weren’t going to say anything. No one was.

Kihyun still found it hard to let it go though, instead taking note of the problems internally. Number one among them being the entitlement of the whole royal family. The idea that they deserved whatever they wanted when they wanted it. Second being their lack of communication with each other. A problem he saw most when it came to Mingyu, as it was obvious that Minhyuk much like, his mother, the queen had a soft spot for his younger brother. And much like the queen, he also did not allow it to show. While the king allowed all of his sons to do whatever they wanted calling it love. 

The lack of visible love, the lack of shared love languages, caused the youngest prince to feel ostracized. A feeling that Kihyun saw often in Mingyu when the shorter prince took him on outings. Their talks more personal even as Mingyu went about lavishing him in the simple things he could offer. The talk of his family he did partake in had the undertone of the question of if he was loved. A question Kihyun himself had faced when his father had begun training his brothers but not him. 

It still haunted him in some ways, the perceived favoritism that his father had towards his brothers. The same sort of favoritism it seemed the queen showed in her actions towards Minhyuk compared to Mingyu. All of the royal family taking a hands off approach thinking it would be better for a child who had been the center of rumor since his birth. They thought it was a bubble of protection just as his father and brothers had when their mother died. 

When he was much older he’d understood that. And knowing that he was able to see that was part of why Minhyuk was even using him. That it was because of the elder’s love for his younger brother, and the betrayal of killing Minwoo without asking him for help. Help that Kihyun had quickly realized Minhyuk would have given him. Despite his lack of desire for death. The other part being he was saddled with the crown and no way out. Yet in that same respect the taller prince was not upset Mingyu had plotted his death as well. Rationally Kihyun thought that should be the reason prince Minhyuk was angry and sought revenge.

However when asked, on a night Kihyun had been feeling brave and they’d been holed up in the library, Minhyuk had told him that he didn’t blame his brother. That he knew his love for Mingyu didn’t show, though Kihyun saw it he knew that Mingyu was not seeing how much he was cared for. Their love languages not quite the same. A problem Minhyuk had been aware of when they were younger, but had somehow fumbled and made the younger believe that he was insincere in his actions to correct it. So he’d stopped trying, settling for what love he could offer.

Kihyun hadn’t asked anymore on the matter. He knew the incident which Minhyuk was referring to. It was among the reasons that Kihyun couldn’t see Minhyuk the way he wanted to be seen. He knew how Minhyuk wanted to be seen by him, he wanted Kihyun to see him as classist, arrogant, and controlled by capricious whims. However Kihyun was able to see the many faces of Minhyuk and put them together to see all of him. And the image wasn’t as bad as Minhyuk wanted it to be.

It had been all too easy to see the prince for who he was after a few months. Despite the way Minhyuk treated him sometimes, which was not an act. Still he found himself rationalizing it with the way Minhyuk had been raised. After all it was obvious Minhyuk had not known a healthy love before. But there were other things that spoke of Minhyuk’s morality. Deeds he’d done that he didn’t have to that Kihyun couldn’t overlook or ignore. And maybe it was because of them he’d finally be able to see the prince as a whole. 

His own case was among them. As Minhyuk did not have to allow him to live, he didn’t have to extend the olive branch of life to his family either. The same family that had killed Minwoo. And not long ago he’d learned the truth about Changkyun and how Minhyuk had saved him. On top of what he already knew about Myungsong’s story. She’d shared it with him what felt like ages ago when he had first come to rely on her. Her story was a sad one and the way she’d been treated was horrible. Even now she was eternally grateful to the prince for saving her. A trait not quite shared by Changkyun. Though Kihyun could understand that too.

In Myungsong’s case she had only wanted to escape with her life, a hapless young girl who had been accused of stealing. And when she told the truth that it wasn’t her, her tongue had been cut out. Only to have her life threatened when the theft continued afterward. Minhyuk had stepped up and saved her, a girl at almost the same age as his younger brother, saying he had use for her. Some gold had changed hands. She’d then been taught to read and write before being put to work as a castle maid under Minhyuk’s command.

Changkyun’s story was different. He had been bought by Minwoo from a brothel, he’d only just turned fifteen at the time, the same age as Minwoo then. Having been born there Changkyun had been raised for the pleasure house which was why he was purchased. As Minwoo had bought him to be a gift for Mingyu.

Changkyun had told Kihyun that he remembered how enraged Mingyu had become. Telling the brunette that he would make an example out of him by having him killed. Minhyuk again had stepped in saying that it he had use for the slave. And Mingyu being only ten at the time had been persuaded to agree.

Since he’d come under Minhyuk Changkyun had been trained as a bodyguard with Hyungwon. Though he wasn’t quite as grateful as Myungsong. Which made Kihyun wonder how often he was used as just a bodyguard. The days that Hyungwon replaced him in his duties were often days that other dignitaries were visiting. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about. Even if Minhyuk had saved Changkyun’s life it didn’t make his life a good one to live and he knew it. 

His own life and those of his brothers were still dangling from that same prince’s hands. His whole purpose to betray Mingyu the way Minhyuk had felt betrayed. By using Mingyu’s greatest fear to toy with him. Allowing Mingyu to fall for Kihyun as a woman so that he would not be gay. An extremely frowned upon thing to be in their kingdom and what Mingyu feared most about himself. And even after his actions against the gift of a male sex slave, the suspicion around the youngest prince still persisted. Much to the prince’s chagrin. Making Kihyun the only thing that prevented the rumors.

Mingyu’s fear was one of many confessions Mingyu had made to him on their outings. In turn Kihyun would share some of his own stories, though they were highly doctored and occasionally fabricated. But that story of Mingyu’s came along with the admission that he'd been blinded by his ire in the moment and regretted his actions. That there might have been better ways to deal with the issue at hand. An admission that the youngest prince regretted a lot of his actions towards his family. 

The admissions were then followed with a few personal questions about Kihyun’s own family. The lies Minhyuk told him easily slipping from his tongue. The lie that he only had his cousins left and he'd moved to be with them as he couldn't hold his property on his own as a woman. 

Mingyu had taken his story in and opened up about his fear that he'd never find a woman he'd love. That he was happy Kihyun had come, though he was sorry for his loss, that he hoped Kihyun would choose him in the end. It had made his heart hurt knowing in some ways he understood. Though the way Mingyu told the story had a much different slant, the story of how the prince had seen it.

A story that told Kihyun that Minwoo hadn’t bought Changkyun as a gift in love as much as in mockery. The harsh words that accompanied the brunette being gifted, the eldest prince having told Mingyu to just accept his feminine side and give in, explained a lot. And maybe they played a part in why the guard didn't hold it against the youngest prince. Afterall Mingyu had been a child bereft of protection and power, only trying to assert what little he did have. 

The revelation made Kihyun wonder if this was when the brother’s problems had truly started. At the time Minwoo reached adulthood, wielding all the power of the position he was born to with no one to teach him how to be kind. The only one paying any of the princes any mind being the nurse maid as the queen had been constantly ill in the eldest princes youth, thus Mingyu’s birth. 

Sordid family affairs aside Kihyun could say with certainty now that Minwoo had indeed deserved his death. Though the queen grieved he’d seen the results of his death more closely in the last few months and it had been the best path. Knowing that though didn’t change the whispers of brother killer in the back of his mind. It did however make it easier to accept Mingyu for who he was. 

And the knowledge that he had of the brothers made him face the facts about Minhyuk as well. The taller prince wasn’t a good prince, even though he worked hard and would make a good king compared to Minwoo. He wasn’t a good person per say either. Despite his actions to save himself, Myungsong, and Changkyun. Almost everything had been for selfish reasons and the uses he could get out of those he saved. 

Yet for all that Minhyuk was charming and capable. Though nothing like the princes in the fairytales that he knew girls liked to read about far off kingdoms. Minhyuk wasn’t like them. Kihyun knew Minhyuk to be different. He was human, flawed, and beautiful. And despite the prince’s warnings not to, Kihyun had done the one thing he hadn’t meant to. He fell in love with the beauty he saw there. 

And maybe it was in spite of that or because of it he’d gone on the outing with Mingyu today. Even though Minhyuk had told him not to. As time was running out on his decision. He’d be asked officially soon by the king which prince he was going to choose. He’d already decided, and no matter what Minhyuk said the decision was truly his own. 

It had been a good time, Mingyu had taken him to watch a game in the town. He’d been gentle and sweet like he always was. A true contradiction of what Kihyun knew he was like to his family on the inside even if he knew the reasons why. It had been fun regardless and as always Mingyu had walked him back to his wing. Stopping at the beginning of the hall that led to his chambers. 

Today had been different though. Mingyu had paused, his eyes wide but his request clear when he asked Changkyun to go on ahead. Kihyun hadn’t minded, he’d almost expected it at this point. As it had seemed like Mingyu had something he wanted to say on his mind. And it wasn’t uncommon for him to have the guard of the day move away when that was the case. Though this time he’d asked the brunette to enter the room ahead of Kihyun, it wasn’t worrisome. 

So Kihyun waited patiently as the younger prince fumbled with his words and his hands. He wasn’t sure what to think when the shorter raised on his tiptoes, a hand landing on Kihyun’s shoulder. Any words he might have said were cut off by his brain shutting down at the next action, soft lips on his own. Chaste, sweet, and too young. Kihyun blinked down at the prince, his white hair more orange than ever in the candlelight. His sincerity written in his body language when he pulled away, hand still lingering. 

Mingyu had asked him, once more, to choose him. Instead of an answer though Kihyun was startled when Minhyuk appeared out of a connecting hall, he'd likely been looking for him. But he didn't say anything, taking action as he punched his younger brother. Forcing him away from Kihyun while dropping the shorter prince to the floor with a hand over his cheek and a bloody lip. Kihyun had never seen Minhyuk so angry or felt such anger directed at him as the taller prince shoved him against the wall, none too carefully.

“This is why I told you not to go out with him again.” Minhyuk’s voice was harsh, cutting in a way that it hadn’t been ever before. As if the words weren’t aimed at Kihyun but more at himself for allowing it to happen regardless. But Minhyuk’s hand against his cheek wasn’t as harsh, instead almost gentle though his eyes were glued to Mingyu’s prone form as he spoke again. “Ki belongs to me.” 

Kihyun wanted to protest, to argue, even though he’d wanted to hear those words. He hadn’t wanted to hear them like this. In a fit of what appeared to be jealousy over a small kiss from a boy who barely knew what love was. All of it was gone though in one simple action, so similar to the one before but the intent quite different with Minhyuk’s lips pressed against his own. 

Minhyuk wasn’t chaste, gentle, or sweet. His lips were demanding and his hands that hadn’t sheltered him from the wall were on him now, insistent and needy. In a way that Kihyun didn’t find the least bit acceptable considering the situation. Nor was the tongue that pushed past his closed lips invading his mouth, taking what it wanted. The same way Minhyuk did with everything else. 

It hurt. It hurt in a way that Kihyun couldn’t even describe as the elder prince pulled back, lust in his eyes. It wasn’t love there but he found himself short on words, his breath coming in pants for if there was one thing Minhyuk was a natural at it was kissing. But before he could say anything, look anywhere, or even think straight Minhyuk was pulling him by his wrist towards his chambers. Mingyu, as far as he knew, still on the floor holding his wounded pride. 

He found himself being shoved against the wall again by the door of his chambers. This time no more gentle than the last. Minhyuk’s actions even more demanding, as a hand worked its way down his bodice to his hip. The other tangling in his long hair as Minhyuk kissed him for all he was worth once more. The prince’s lips were soft as they molded against his own, a skillful tongue teasing, and a hard knee between his skirts. A feeling that Kihyun had never expected to experience even if he did choose the elder prince. One he'd never quite imagined even though the feeling of Minhyuk pressed against him was one he’d been thinking about for a few weeks now. 

He knew he should enjoy being kissed by the man he loved, but he truly just wanted it to stop. This wasn’t what he wanted. And as Minhyuk fumbled the key he held to Kihyun’s chambers out of his pocket Kihyun found the courage he needed. Found a way to push the other back, only to see a very confused prince staring back at him. Who, for the first time since Kihyun had met him, looked genuinely surprised. As if he’d been aware of Kihyun’s feelings long before Kihyun himself had. It would only make all the prince’s warnings not to fall in love with him make sense.

“What are you doing?” Those weren’t the words Kihyun was looking for but they were the words that came first. They stopped Minhyuk in his tracks, a different look overtaking his features. One unlike Kihyun had ever seen before when they were alone, it was a look he knew better than to believe. The same look Minhyuk used when he was acting in public. 

“I’m showing you how I feel.” Minhyuk’s answer was just as breathless as Kihyun’s question had been. Followed by the prince leaning forward again, hands more insistent than the last time. Needily they traced over the curve of his ass through the dress Kihyun had worn to show off his attractive features. A dress that Changkyun had picked out for him. Though it seemed like an answer that was too good be true, Kihyun realized it wasn’t really an answer either. It was a leading statement, one that led into Minhyuk whispering against his lips. Sweet nothings that weren’t to be believed. Brought to life by a moment of jealousy.

It was when Minhyuk whispered ‘I love you’ that Kihyun snapped. This wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want Minhyuk’s fake love or the advances that the prince thought he wouldn’t refuse. He knew the prince too well for him to believe something just because he wanted to. He’d already suffered for wishing the public Minhyuk was the real Minhyuk, the one who loved him. So he did the only thing he could do. He shoved the prince away, stealing the key to his chambers and told the truth. 

“You can’t love me Minhyuk.” Despite the breathless quality of his voice, and the prince’s continued proximity he felt the words hit home. The confused and surprised look returning to Minhyuk’s handsome face. He continued anyway even as he felt the first tear pricking at his eyes, startled when Minhyuk took a step back. Minhyuk’s ong arms still trapped him but the prince's body language screamed upset. He was too far in to stop now. “You can’t love anyone but yourself. I’m going to marry Mingyu.” He knew it was the truth, it hurt but he had already come to terms with it. Long before he’d known his own feelings for the prince. 

“You’ll die if you marry him.” Was Minhyuk’s only retort, a worry etched on his face that Kihyun hadn’t expected to see. It made the tears that were welling up start to fall. He didn’t want to hear anything else that the prince had to say. So he told the truth once more.

“At least Mingyu truly loves me. Unlike you he treats me the same no matter who's around. He’s not like a monster like you.” That said Kihyun slipped out of the now lax trap Minhyuk had him in and fled into his room. The tears were almost enough to blind him as he locked the door behind him tossing the key he’d stolen at the couch in his antechamber. 

He didn’t see Changkyun or Myungsong as he passed them shedding layers of his dress. He heard them though, as well as the pounding on the door once Minhyuk realized he had stolen the key. Words he refused to make out following each pound, likely the begging of a man who hadn’t gotten what he wanted. It didn’t matter he’d made his decision and he was going to stick with it. Myungsong though had followed him into his bedroom before he’d locked it. 

She was still trying to comfort him as the sobs racked his body. Everything hurt. But nothing hurt quite as much as the truth. Minhyuk had been using him and was trying to do it again. It was possible the prince could fall for him, had truly fallen for him. He’d become nicer lately, less hurtful and a little less volatile when they were alone. He didn’t think so though. After all this had ultimately been Minhyuk’s plan. Make Mingyu fall in love with him only to snatch him away at the last minute. 

Even if lately Minhyuk had been telling him not to flirt with or see the younger prince. Kihyun had figured it was all part of his plan. And even if it wasn’t it was too late. Kihyun knew about the women Minhyuk had kept on the side, the women he’d been seeing right up to the ball and a few even after. Though not lately. It didn’t matter. 

In the end it had taken seeing Mingyu with him for Minhyuk to realize his feelings. And feelings only realized out of jealousy were dangerous, just like the way Minhyuk had thrown him against the wall. They were feelings, that like everything else in Minhyuk’s life were born out of a selfish desire. That told Kihyun that the taller prince would never be happy unless he were all Kihyun had. As if he hadn’t already isolated him enough. 

An hour and a half had passed before the tears subsided. In that time Minhyuk had finally given up and he’d sent Myungsong away, though he suspected she and Changkyun were in the next room. But it allowed him time to think. Not that he was going to change his decision. He was going to marry Mingyu. It was a decision he’d come to the moment he’d realized his feelings for Minhyuk. The decision hadn’t been made lightly. And while he wished he could change the facts, they were what they were and thus he had decided.

Mingyu loved him. Not all of him granted as the younger prince wasn’t aware of his gender, his true gender the only reason he’d even landed in this mess to begin with. But the shorter prince did love him, his personality and who he showed himself to be. Most of which was not faked, unlike the backstory that Minhyuk had given him. Unlike the love that the elder prince was offering him. 

Kihyun had long since discovered that Minhyuk did not want anyone to die. Certainly he prefered that whoever he saved had a use, but he’d seen other cases where they did not. Kihyun had outlived his use. There was no need for Minhyuk to keep him around after Mingyu’s heart was crushed. No reason for Minhyuk to actually go through with a wedding either but Kihyun knew he would, to keep the torment going. He knew. Because despite how Minwoo had been Minhyuk had loved him. And no matter what he said he did not want him dead, not really. Nor did he truly want Kihyun to die so he had told him to never choose Mingyu. And to never fall in love with him. 

Because Kihyun knew that Minhyuk could fake a love for him. Would fake a love for him in private for as long as he could. But he knew that only would only last so long before the prince went to see the women he used to. Which if Kihyun loved him would kill him slowly from the inside. A fate that Kihyun could not live with. He could not marry Minhyuk. Not knowing that he was married to the man he loved who did not love him back, not really. Not in the way he wanted him to. Instead he would marry Mingyu, who did love him. It would make his final moments worth it, he hoped.

For he knew that as soon as Mingyu realized his gender, when he came to understand Kihyun’s deception he would die. But Kihyun was willing to die for the love he held for his family and for Minhyuk. After all there was no other way. It was the only resolution he could find. 

So he’d written a letter to send to his brothers the moment he informed Mingyu of his decision. It would give them enough time to flee the kingdom without Minhyuk’s interference. Or he hoped so as he dug the letter out of his small personal desk. He found himself staring at it for several minutes before he made himself presentable. He was sure that Mingyu was nursing his wounded cheek and Minhyuk his wounded pride. He did his best to fall into a trance as he dolled himself up, nothing fancy just a castle look. Hair down, only light makeup to hide he had been crying, and a soft easy dress, one without too many layers. One of his mother’s that he hadn’t worn in a very long time.

Looking at himself in the small mirror he appraised his work, it wasn’t often that he did his own makeup. Without the choker he felt he looked like a man but he didn’t put it on. As even like this no one had questioned him before, of course before he’d had Myungsong’s touches. And those times he’d slipped out like this it was to the library for a new book. It wouldn’t be long now before he had to make do without.

Steeling his nerves he prepared himself to tell the two people closest to him here what he was about to do. When he opened the bedroom door he wasn’t surprised to see Myungsong fretting, her face contorted over the light hem work she was doing, nor Changkyun finally settled down in a chair done with his pacing. Clearing his throat he got their attention only to be ushered to have a seat on the couch where Myungsong looked over him. 

The smile at her actions was involuntary as was the blush when Changkyun joined her. His reactions to the bodyguard’s proximity never having gone away completely even now. After all he was just as handsome as both princes, though slightly less so when compared to Hyungwon. He couldn’t help twiddling his thumbs as he waited out their inspection. Neither of them asked what had caused him to cry. They already knew it involved Minhyuk and they knew that was enough to leave him crying for hours on end. 

“I’ve made my decision on which prince I’ll marry.” The statement was met with confusion, as he knew that both of them were under the same instructions as he was when it came to who he’d choose. And he hadn’t talked to them about his choice in the end, because he knew they weren’t going to like it. They probably wouldn’t even be allowed to stay with him. But it was his to make. Taking a deep breath he prepared himself. “I am going to marry Mingyu.”

The confession was met with Myungsong’s instant tears and a set jaw from Changkyun. Still he continued. “I can’t marry Minhyuk, he doesn’t love me. I probably won’t see you much after this but if you would please deliver this letter to my brothers.” Raising the letter up from where he’d set it on the couch he looked at the guard. He found himself staring into dark eyes as the brunette didn’t even acknowledge the letter he was holding. Myungsong was now sobbing into her hands and he felt a single tear roll down his own cheek. He was tired of crying but he supposed this wasn’t going to be the last time.

“You’ll die if you marry him.” Changkyun’s voice was deep but the sentiment was the same as Minhyuk’s when he’d told him. Kihyun only shook his head it wasn’t something he was unaware of. He closed his eyes on the tears that dripped down Myungsong’s cheeks and fought against his own. There was no turning back. 

“Changkyun will you take me to Mingyu’s chambers. I’m sure he didn’t get his lip treated and I can tell him of my decision. Afterwards please take this letter to my brothers. I’m sure they’ll understand.” Kihyun didn’t open his eyes quite yet, his heart was heavy and the tears heavier as he held up the letter again. There was no answer though instead he heard a soft intake of breath. When his eyes opened Changkyun was before him kneeling in front of his dress’ skirt.

“I won’t.” Changkyun’s hand was on his knee and Kihyun felt the blush that always followed the bodyguard’s proximity creeping up his neck. Dark eyes stared into his own and he realized this was the first time the guard had ever denied one of his requests. “I won’t let you choose death Kihyun.” The words hit in a way Kihyun hadn’t been expecting, the use of his name like a blow to his heart. Not even Minhyuk used his name, it was always Ki or Yuki or some pet name. Not anything that truly acknowledged him. 

“I have already...” Kihyun’s words were cut off when a calloused hand landed on his cheek, the movement too fast for him to see but the thumb rubbed away a stray tear. All he could do was swallow at the gentleness shown to him from someone he hadn’t expected to find any from. It was usually Myungsong that comforted him while Changkyun held back, watching, protecting. 

“If you had chosen Minhyuk I wouldn’t have said anything, I’d have stayed by your side quietly. I would have been happy knowing you were with the one you love, even if he is sometimes a monster. I could have accepted it.” Changkyun’s voice was deeper than before and shaky in a way that said he was emotional, but Kihyun was mesmerized by it. The words continued in time with the calloused thumb rubbing along his cheek. A comfort in the face of the path he’d decided to take. The next words broke him with how unexpected they were. “Kihyun I can't let you choose Mingyu, I can't let you die because I love you.”

Myungsong’s sharp intake of air was all the forewarning he had before the third set of lips were on his. Changkyun’s were chapped, dry from all the work he’d been doing watching the prince and him in the dry air outside the castle. Still they were gentle. A warmth that was lacking from Minhyuk’s touch lingering on his cheek where Changkyun’s hand was encouraging him to decide to continue or end the kiss. Before he’d truly made up his mind Kihyun was closing his eyes and leaning forward, into the comfort that was offered. His lips moving and molding into those pressed against them. A skillful tongue brushed at his lips as he let out a small exhale. He didn’t hesitate to let it in.

There was something sweet in the way the brunette’s tongue prodded against own. Followed by a solid and sure hand on his hip, pulling him forward just a touch. It reminded Kihyun he was wearing a skirt as the fabric bunched around them just slightly. Changkyun was still on his knees, now enveloped in Kihyun’s open legs. Mere inches from them touching anywhere but where the brunette’s hands landed. 

Reckless, that was how it felt when Changkyun’s mouth moved away from his own. The kind of feeling one chased after. So Kihyun did pulling the guard forward, their tongues colliding as soon as their lips met. He wanted this. He wanted this more than he wanted to chase after Mingyu or to make up with Minhyuk. It wasn’t something he could say though, not with words. His only recourse to wrap his arms desperately around the body in front of him. And as if he understood Changkyun picked him up, carrying him to the bedroom closing the door behind him. Not locking it, but there was no need to. 

Gently he was laid out on the bed, another moment for him to decide as Changkyun looked down at him. Kihyun couldn’t help licking his swollen lips as he stared at the guard’s. He’d never thought about this, had tried not to think about this whenever he took his clothes off around the other male. But in the moment he no longer felt the blush that was always present nor did he avoid the dark eyes looking into his own. There was nothing left to lose.

So he beckoned Changkyun closer with his hand and allowed himself to enjoy his first time with a man. He’d always thought it would be Minhyuk, even though the prince had always told him he wasn’t interested in that. He thought maybe one day the white haired prince would change his mind. After all he expected them to be married. After the kiss in the hall Kihyun didn’t want that kind of love, the one that was only meant to keep him here. 

He wasn’t sure when he’d started crying again, but Changkyun had begun shushing him with sweet words. Strong hands gliding along the corset he wore, he could feel the echo of the touches against his skin. And despite the tears he begged the brunette to keep going. All he wanted was to feel those calloused fingers against his skin, to feel swollen lips pressed tightly against other places. Places that were visible even through the few layers of his dress. Kihyun could only beg under Changkyun’s skillful hands and lips. Inexperienced and unsure.

It was enough though as Changkyun never stopped and Kihyun felt himself swelling up. All of the emotions he was feeling coming out in the small noises he made in response. Or the sudden jerks of his body into the one above him. Each layer of his dress was taken off agonizingly slow, until the feel of fingers against his skin felt so hot it was like fire. Fire that was consuming him from the inside. Each touch, each kiss, each small movement almost enough to set him over the edge and he knew they’d barely started. 

Then it was skin against skin, a naked chest to a naked chest as Changkyun lifted him up, the dress gone and his body as bare as his soul. He moaned when calloused thumbs rubbed over his nipples and nearly screamed when teeth sank into his shoulder followed by a rough sucking. There was white behind his eyes even as they stopped for a moment, Changkyun ridding himself of his pants, the only clothing that had been left between them. 

Now there were directions that Kihyun followed, climbing to his hands and knees though he was shaky on them. The fire inside threatening to spill out over the sheets. But then the brunette was being gentle again. His hands exploring but also treasuring as they wandered over the globes of his ass, spreading the cheeks. A cool finger eliciting a groan and chilling the fire inside of him as the brunette prepared him. Though Kihyun had never done this before he knew, had known what was needed. 

It didn’t make it hurt less but Changkyun peppered his back with kisses and stroked him softly until the white had returned behind his eyes. Until he was rolling himself over begging for it. This was an order the guard didn’t decline, delving into the heat slowly but surely. It took Kihyun’s breath away, and what little he had left came out in quick pants. 

Motion was hard, a rocking at first that left Kihyun feeling the fire of before building up within him again. A gentle stroking of the flames that threatened to consume him, flames that left beaded sweat all over his body that the brunette was all too willing to lick clean. Which only made him shiver as he wrapped his arms around the guard. His voice strained as he begged for more friction. 

Changkyun’s hand was like a brand against his skin, forming the heat of them coming together as they moved back and forth. Kihyun’s mind freer than it ever had been before filled only with the sensations of the body pressed against and into his own. A delicious release just beneath the surface as calloused hands roamed over his heated flesh. Lips fluttering over the exposed skin of his chest, his arms, his shoulders, before finally landing at their final destination. 

Kihyun had never felt anything like it before. Nothing before had consumed him the same way and he felt nothing would ever again as Changkyun began to move faster. The fire inside clawing at his stomach for release. One Kihyun wasn’t sure he could resist as he moved into the body above him. Each movement met with another until they were frenized. A white hot ribbon the moment of true surrender coming over them.

Exhaustion quickly followed and Kihyun found himself wrapped in the guard’s arms. Cradled almost in a way that he’d never expected. Changkyun hadn’t seemed the type to cuddle afterward but he didn’t move. His body blissful and too spent to think about the internal conflict that would follow. Instead allowing himself to linger on the last request he’d received. One that in some ways held much more weight than the others. 

Sun up was met with two naked bodies in the bed and Kihyun’s blush at the memories that met him. He wasn’t ashamed or upset by them though. And he took a moment to admire Changkyun in the sun’s light before he closed the curtain. Today wasn’t one he wanted to face, but he couldn’t hide in the comfort of his bed or in someone’s else’s arms. Instead he prepared himself for his fate and donned his normal castle attire with a straight face and swiftness he usually forwent to look perfect. Today was not about perfect nor was it about getting away with his deception any longer. 

Yet despite his resolve Minhyuk and Mingyu were both absent from breakfast. The king and queen were as pleasant as they always were at least. Which meant nothing had been said to them. For which he was grateful. But a gloomy atmosphere hung over the castle regardless as Kihyun made his way to the library, books he wanted to check already filling his mind. Until he was waylaid, a letter shoved in his face and a scent he shouldn’t be familiar with filling his nostrils. “Changkyun,” He started but was cut off with a silencing hand motioning to the letter. The guard’s words from the night before coming back to him. ‘Chose me’.

“I can save you, all of you. I’ve been working with your brothers on a plan to get you out of the castle and all of us out of the kingdom.” Kihyun knew the look he gave the guard was speckitcal at best but he continued anyway. “Myungsong has known about it since the third week of your stay. If you chose me we can all live in her homeland.” Changkyun’s voice was a whisper, but one filled with more hope than Kihyun had felt in a long time. 

It hurt to make the decision. To read the letter that was shared between his bodyguard and his brothers who he hadn’t spoken to in months. Their concerns and worries answered by someone other than himself. It hurt more to know that even if he chose Changkyun he didn’t love him, not like the guard was in love with him. His heart still beating for the white haired prince who would never choose him. Still he made it. Sneaking from the castle and running from the kingdom who would never allow them to live in peace. Not anymore. Running with the money from the jobs that his brothers had been doing and from selling everything they owned. The only remnants of their life there with their family the daggers from their father and a few of their mother’s jewels. 

He knew that often he would wonder what became of Minhyuk, if he found a love he could truly invest in. If Mingyu would have realized he was loved by his family. If he would finally be able to live the life he wanted without being tied to the crown. He knew that while he wasn’t in love with Changkyun yet, he knew one day he could be. Would be. 

That had been enough. Enough to settle into a simple life doing chores with Myungsong, waiting for Changkyun and his brothers to come back home from a day of honest work. Long nights spent with the brunette who treated him fairly, sweetly, and respectfully even though he now wore pants and still did what was considered women’s work. Changkyun didn’t care, and Kihyun realized that he didn’t either. That this was all he had truly wanted. 

A family who loved him and someone he could love in return. Changkyun was everything he hadn’t realized he was looking for. And when the day came that Kihyun finally stopped wondering about Minhyuk he knew it would be because Changkyun was by his side. A love he’d never expected but he’d fallen for anyway. One that allowed him to make his decisions for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't see the twist coming. But you probably did. I'm not so great at not doing loads and loads and loads of foreshadowing. Though I still hope you enjoyed it and my first love triangle ever.
> 
> But on a serious note. Please don't stay with someone if they can't respect you or treat you well. People do change, but it's never for you it's always for themselves. Be safe in love by loving yourself first, even if it means walking away.
> 
> ReEdited

**Author's Note:**

> As always thoughts appreciated and all that jazz.


End file.
